CARIBBEAN SAILING VACATIONS . . . With Cap'n Tom Kruse

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ON BOARD SEMINARS For those seeking more than just an enjoyable boat ride during their vacation, Cap’n Tom offers a selection of on-board seminars to achieve higher levels of awareness and consciousness. These seminars are rigorous, on-going discussions and disseminations designed to challenge even the most erudite participants. Successful completion entitles a participant to a genuine Seminar Certificate recognized by most civilized governments (for what I have no idea). Each certificate is individually hand-printed on the back of a napkin and suitable for framing. Bronzecology – Participants will master the ‘Seven Steps to Overall Bronzing’ as postulated by Zonker T. Harris, the world’s leading bronzecologist and the winner of the 1980 Gerald R. Ford Summer Biathlon (golf & suntan tournament) and the 1988 George Hamilton Cocoa Butter Open. This is a competitive course with the winner selected by the participants. Topics include: SPF factors; the pros and cons of paba; tan lines (mythical or mystical); oils vs. creams; experimentation with various application techniques. Prerequisites: Bathing suit. Musicology – Participants will present their personal favorites of romantic music for guests to enjoy with after-dinner drinks under the stars. Presentations should include a thorough discussion of the artist’s credentials. This is also a competitive seminar, with the winner to be selected by their peers. Prerequisites: Personal CD collection (however, anyone who brings a Barry Manilow recording on board automatically qualifies for the keel haul experience). Wonders of Wind– A study of the nature and mystical qualities of wind. Topics include: ancient mariners’ techniques for determining wind direction (the 'wet finger' technique); the physical and metaphysical commonality of sailing upwind, boob jobs, British elevators and Erica Jong; wind gusts and vortices; why they call the wind Mariah, and is it the Fire’s Jove? Prerequisites: Ability to generate wind. Navigation – Basic coastal navigation, chart reading, latitude and longitude, using a GPS, course plotting, dead reckoning. Additional instruction in the use of a sextant to calculate latitude and longitude can be included through prior arrangements with Cap’n Tom. Prerequisites: Basic knowledge of charts and compass readings. Scotchology and/or Rumology – Experts universally agree that Scotch whiskey is a divine nectar of god-like creatures and is not to be abused in any form. This seminar explores the various philosophies and time-honored traditions of proper scotch consumption. As an alternative course of study, participants can imbibe Caribbean rum in lieu of scotch. Discussions include: neat vs. on-the-rocks; single malts vs. blends; gulp vs. gargle; barrel-aged vs. rot gut. Prerequisites: Bring your own cigars. Recommended in conjunction with the Musicology seminar. Fredism – A theological examination of the origins and applications of Fredistic thought, a blending of Chaos Theory and Predestination. Explore the teachings of the prophet Bob Dylan (before he went electric) and the juxtaposition of Fredism with modern day science. Recommended in conjunction with the scotchology and musicology seminars. Prerequisites: Predisposition for deep thoughts. Keel Hauling -- Enjoy the thrill of being keel hauled, the rite of passage of mariners since man first began exploring the world's oceans. Guaranteed full-body experience in removing barnacles and other forms of marine growth from the hull. Restricted only to those who insist on discussing partisan politics. Prerequisites: Advanced degree in bad taste (see musicology above). Anchors Away! captaintom@tomkruse.com